Friday, October 13, 2017

What is it they say? Better late then never?

Things have been a little rough lately this way. Really though, it's more like it has been a rough decade.

It was spirit week at school for my oldest, a general lead up to homecoming. As a sophomore, this is his first year choosing to attend the homecoming dance which meant he had to ask someone. He has an adorable girlfriend and he wanted to make sure everything was just right.

Tuesday, when I got home from work at 5:28pm, he asked to go to the store. He needed a poster board, candy, and a teddy bear. Why he needed a teddy bear he wasn't sure. All he knew was that it had to be a bear. So off we headed in search of the items on his list.

Now, one thing to keep in mind it that he is sixteen years old, sixteen. That's how old I was when I had him. Needless to say this is a difficult time in growing, but watching him be typical teenager has hurt me a little. I didn't have that, and a small part of me regrets it. Seeing him mature and grow has been such an important part of my life. We have grown along side one another. He trusts me beyond all else and I know I can trust him to make the best choices he can with his hormonal mind. I am so thankful every day that he feels he can talk to me about anything, especially topics that may be difficult for both of us to broach.

Of course our first stop was Wal-Mart, because they have everything. The bears there were either too small or too visibly cheap. I sided with him on that one, those bears were not what I would have wanted to receive. Wal-Mart did have a large family-size bag of her favorite M&Ms and poster board, and cream cheese and milk which were on my list.

Our next stop...Target.

Unfortunately though, Target also did not have a good selection of stuffed animals. The bear was not found.

I had worked a ten hour shift on my feet and was not trying to run all over town, but I wanted this for him, for her. I was willing to go the distance to ensure he was happy.

Toys R Us. Honestly, I love Toy's R Us. Something about the nostalgia and a place with everything just for kids. I know they aren't doing so well right now. I hope they somehow pull through and continue to bring joy to little ones in the future.

We had never gone to Toys R Us for anything stuffed. I have two boys and while they have always had a fair collection of stuffed creatures, most of them came from friends and family or were found in the same aisle as the action figures.

Finding a section of stuffed animals, namely teddy bears, proved a more difficult task than I first imagined. Sweaty and tired, I found myself too easily distracted by all the new and colorful toys. Silly little things that would probably be lost in a day, monstrous dolls that even a young me wouldn't care for.

When I go somewhere new, or somewhere I'm not entirely sure of the layout, I admittedly do not ask for assistance. I enjoy looking and learning. Sometimes that is when I find the best things, like my T-Rexs in bow ties salt and pepper shakers.

The stuffed animals were at the back of the store, almost half an entire aisle of them. At first it didn't look like we would find a bear at all. They did have some pretty amazing little rabbits that I may go back and get for myself. Their selection of different animals was exactly what I would expect from a toy store and were we looking for a donkey we would have been in the right place.

Top shelf appeared to be designated for bears. Colorful was out. Big sparkly eyes were a no. Then, when all hope was almost lost, we found it. The last of its kind. It was the perfect bear. A classic brown bear with a gold bow fixed around its neck. A size most huggable and soft. I could not have pictured a more perfect bear. We both agreed, this was the one.

At home, the poster making began right after dinner. He didn't know what to write. Underestimating the size of the poster board and making the words big enough to be seen at a fair distance, we brainstormed a half hour at least before coming up with: "It will be beary nice if you go to homecoming with me".

I was up until midnight putting the finishing touches on the poster. My oldest went to bed trusting me to make it pretty. I know it should have been his responsibility and all that, but I could see in his eyes the disappointment every time he made a little mistake or it didn't look the way he wanted. He would go back over a line with the paintbrush unintentionally widening it until it was straight. It would have taken until the morning hours if I let him do it himself.

He and his girlfriend were both happy with the presentation and it made me happy to be a part of it. It doesn't matter how long it takes or how tired I am. My kids are worth every sacrifice.

With my youngest turning six next month I think it is more than past due for me to take better care of myself, mentally and physically. All my focus has been on them which it always will be. Time is what I really need. Just an hour or so a day for me. My writing and art has been close to non existent and it makes me sad.

How the heck do you make the time?

Monday, September 7, 2015

I'm never good with titles

So I just started and Etsy shop. Definitely check it out if you are interested in all things awesome and fun. Bits of Weird and Fun

Also, I got a new laptop because my old one died :( and not in a fixable way. So I am currently transferring over to the new one. which is why I am a bit behind on anything comic and digital lately.
No worries though. I will be back in action soon enough! Once everything is running I promise to be more active online (social media, etc.) least I'll try to be. Like I've said a million times, everyone who knows me is well aware how bad I am at such things (Facebook).

This isn't a very good blog, I know, My posts are few and far between, the content tends to be short and of nothing really. Not sure what to do about that :/

Until next time friends.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

D-d-d-d-d-digital art!

I have been practicing my digital art. I'm so used to paper and pencils/pens, paint brushes and canvas. It is definitely an adjustment. The hair needs work and I need to add a dew more details, but I really love how this turned out.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Things and stuff, all jumbled, a mess

A new web comic has been added! Check it out:

On another note.....................I turn 30 this weekend! I'm so excited (not sarcastic, I swear). Rather than have a big party with a bunch of friends that I see all the time. I decided I wanted to spend it with my brothers and their girlfriends. Even though we are 400+ miles apart, they will always be my best of friends. Unfortunately one brother just bailed due to work obligations which I understand. But my youngest brother will be here Friday!

This weekend will be packed with everything and anything we can do. So that means a lot careful of beach time (too many shark attacks here in NC), games, drinking (naturally), something adventurous, and a possible trip to Myrtle. And maybe we'll meet up with a few friends.

I really need a big dose of family in light of recent events.

Oh, and I really want to start some give-aways, for both my books and web comics. I started making some little stuffed Ruby dolls and have a few other ideas. If anyone from the comic site happen over here, leave a comment on Tapastic or my Facebook to let me know you are interested. I'll make a post for those sites in a few days ;)

Well, I'm off to clean and work on some more stuff.

Have a wonderful day/evening and please be good to one another!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Life is so fragile

This morning I found out one of my good friends passed away last night, in one of the most awful ways. I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks. It has been a few years since she moved across the country, and we have attempted to keep regular contact, but life gets hectic. Now I sit here thinking that I should have been a better friend, I should have spoken to her more often. I cried. I continue crying, for the loss of such a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman, and for the four young children left without a mother.

Life goes on. One person passes away and another is born in that same moment. Just because I care, just because her family and friends care, that doesn't mean the world cares. Millions of people will go on with their day, go on with their lives, without even knowing. So the question that comes up is: Is it worth it?

What I mean when I ask "Is it worth it?" is that we are the ones who put value on our own lives. We are the ones who self deprecate, loathe, and mistreat ourselves. Yes, others might too, but we are our own worst critics.

Is it worth it to save up money for a vacation? Is it worth it to buy a house or continue renting? Is it worth it to go drinking with friends? To look for a new job, a better job? To go back to school? To help a stranger? To ask out that person you've been interested in? To get married? To have kids? Is it worth living?

We appraise everything we choose to do without even realizing it. Everything comes down to worth.

What is happiness worth? Can you put a value on that? On life, plain ol' living?

I don't know, because I'm like everyone else. Later I'll weight the pros and cons of what to make for dinner. Is it worth it to thaw chicken when there is steak already in the fridge? The common sense in me says no, but I'm craving chicken Alfredo. And tomorrow when I wake up, it starts over again.

What it all boils down to is Am I worth it? Do I deserve all that I have and more. The answer is always yes. I am worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

What's the point of droning away my entire life? To not take chances now to live while I can? So I can retire at (hopefully) 55 with decent enough health (fingers crossed because we all know that's not guaranteed) to travel and experience what life has to offer? What if I don't make it to 55?

We have to take chances. We have to enjoy the time we have. Not everyone has the means or is at a place in their life where they are able to do much, I know this. Of course it takes time. And when the time is right, do it. Do what you dreamed of, take the opportunity to live as others can not. Whatever it is, be safe and take care of yourself.

And if you are able, help someone who needs it, even if it's just a little bit. Even if the only thing you do is give them good advice. Make that phone call, send that text. Be good to one another. There is too much bad in the world already. We should start changing that while we have this short time on earth to do so. For our children and our children's children.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Back from the dead...or close to it

It has been a long few years filled with tears, joy, death, and birth. Love was lost and it's all finally healed. So much was happening all at once that I had to step away from all this. But now I'm back and ready for action. Look out world, here I come.

Friday, January 25, 2013

It's been a while

Sooooo...I have been working some crazy hours for the past few months, 11 1/2 hour days crazy. With my boys and work I haven't had much time for writing or much else. I did publish Heart Above the Sea in these past few weeks, but I removed Hunt for the Fallen from sale to make some serious edits. Win some you lose some.

On another note, I hate Facebook. I'm trying to figure out which other networking sites are decent out there. Too many bugs, hacking, and drama on FB, though I expect the drama everywhere. Blah.

By the end of next month I plan to have the edits complete and HFTF back up for sale. We shall see if I get the time :/

Until next time...dun dun dun